Steven Galvin employs the Chewbacca defence to win over the jury in favour of Django Unchained, as part of our Oscar 2013 Best Picture countdown…
OK, so it’s too long, boring, poorly plotted, overly contrived, misogynistic, full of dubious misplaced humour, plied with lazy cartoonish violence, weak characterization, woeful editing, and often comes off as insincere, but there’s fun to be had in them there hills. It’s all dressed up in the cloths of entertainment, looks beautiful – bathed in the cinematography of Robert Richardson – and Christoph Waltz is beguiling; but let’s pummelled face it – Django Unchained should be nowhere near a list of Best Picture Nominees. Nevertheless, it is my job to defend Quentin “I’m shutting your butt down” Tarantula’s shallow bloodbath Django Unchained in its shootout for Oscar. So defend it I will…
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca…
Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major Tarantino film production, and I’m talking about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must support Django Unchained! The defence rests.
Steven Galvin
(with thanks to South Park)
1 Comment
Steven – I agree – what a worthy winner for Best Picture – who could even try to defend the indefensible !!!! Well done … and the Oscar goes to……………. Django Unchained 🙂