Illustration: Adeline Pericart
There are nights when you look through your DVD collection and none of your favourite films float your boat – what you need is some serious Trash – the black sheep of your collection; something so bad that makes you feel good. Warning: to appreciate these films booze is recommended. And so over the next couple of weeks the Film Ireland collection of filmaholics shed their dignity, hide their shame and open their bins to reveal their trashiest films in the latest installment of…
‘… general resemblance to a cheddar factory … ’
Filled with fantastic stereotypes, all kinds of nudity, a rakeload of slapstick and enough rude jokes to make Tara Reid scarlet, Eurotrip is a trashy, road-trip comedy by the makers of, erm, Road Trip.
The tale begins in the familiar setting of a high school graduation, where a lovelorn Scott gets dumped by his long term sweetheart; who, as it turns out, had been openly cheating on him with local rocker (Matt Damon) – to the point where Matt’s band even have song about it. The catchy tune ‘Scottie Doesn’t Know’ crops up just enough so by the time the credits roll around it’ll be firmly wedged in your subconscious. After this very public humiliation, an online romantic proposition means Scott cuts all ties with his long-term Berlin pen-pal, only to find out ‘Mieke’ was not a nerdy German guy as he had thought, but a stunningly attractive girl. Scott decides to blow off his summer plans and go on a quest to find her with the help of his obnoxious BFF, Cooper.
After arriving in London, the boys get dragged by crazed Man United thugs to Paris, where they join forces with their school friends and fraternal twins, Jenny and Jamie. In true National Lampoon-style, everything that can go wrong inevitably does, and the newly-formed gang do the twisty-map-line-thingy, trekking through a host of tourist hotspots such as Amsterdam, Rome and Bratislava in search of Mieke.
After watching Eurotrip, Percival lost all faith in humanity
The main cast is more-or-less celeb free with the biggest name being Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s little sister, Michelle Trachtenberg – however there are a whole host of fantastic B/C-listers: Vinny Jones plays a football Hooligan, Xena W.P. a dominatrix and even the lovely Joanna Lumley features as a mental Dutch hostel clerk.
As you can imagine the overall plot is about as contrived as they come, since 2004 it’s already very dated, plus the main characters are all flat and undeveloped… but the absolute cringiest part of this tack-fest is the fact that on one of the map sequences there is BRITISH FLAG over THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND. This is as disrespectfully idiotic as playing Sacha Baron Cohan’s version of the anthem when a Kazakhstan athlete won gold.
*shakes fist at producers*
Despite this Epic Fail and the general resemblance to a cheddar factory, Eurotrip is hilarious enough not only to warrant forgiveness, but also to allow for several viewings to bask in all the terrible/brilliant jokes:
‘I saw a gay porno once. I didn’t know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!’